Flush Toy Episode #1

hehe... i came home last fri and decided that i should give away some of my flush toys... haha... dun ask me why... just a sudden rash decision... haha... so i started packing... haha... and not bad... i came up with a big bag of "going to give away" flush toys and another small bag of "stay with me" flush toys... haha... but sigh... the new resolution did not last long... haha... cos i started to have the 不舍得 feeling... haha... so i took out more and more bears from the big bag! and in the end... i have a small bag of "going to give away" flush toys and a big bag of "stay with me" flush toys... haha... thanks to all my friends who ask me to keep them! haha... msn nick i good! haha....

that night... i also took a pic of all my flush toys! hehe... and as ry and qp has said... each of them tells a story! something precious in my life! hehe... so here it is! i gonna start to have blog episodes of my flush toys alone! haha... am i crazy or what...hehe

so here's Flush Toy Episode #1!

introducing you to you my precious 雪儿! hehe... this was a christmas gift from my mum! i think at age 9 or 10! hehe... i still remember that my mum came home with two pressies that night! one big and one small! haha... my sis took the big one! (which was a bad choce... haha)... and so i took the small one... and the small one turns out to be better!

haha there were many times my sis and i fought over 雪儿! hehe... and if i dun remember wrongly... there was once we fought so fiercely that grandma was very angry with us and threatened to throw 雪儿 down the rubbish chute! haha... i dun remember if she did eventually... haha... even if she did... 雪儿 is still clean as snow! after all the washes all these years! haha... washing my flush toys is a yearly thing for my mum to do... haha... opps... of cos she complains that i grow up le still act like a kid... but the amazing thing is when i wanted to give them away last friday... she said "huh all so cute, why do u want to give them away?" haha... my confused mum... haha...

fear of speaking to people... faint...

aiyo after so many years as a teacher... i still have this fear... unbelievable rite? sigh... but really man... especially while speaking to people at a professional level... aiyo... faint lah... how ah?

sigh... guess i really need to work on this... really not good... always feel so worried after this kind of meeting... what if i left a bad first impression what if i have acted stupid? what if... what if... what if... so many things to worry about ah...

sigh... how???

haha... i hereby delcare my painting done! haha... except...

haha... except what.... some touch up still and the side of the canvas.... but another day lah... haha... hehe... think nearly 6mths! though i took some break in between... hehe.... man... it is really an endurance race! hehe...

hehe... finally...

hehe... didn't have time to blog for the entire week... was working part time at the research company... OT almost everyday ah! 12 hours in front of com! wow! man... office job really not for me... hehe... not long term... hehe... but it's a good way to earn some extra cash for this holiday season... my savings is seriously depreciating... hehe...

tada! here's the latest development of my oil painting! hehe! 99% covered with paint! but still not finished! haha... i don't care! must finish tmr or i wll self declare it is finished... haha... tmr there is a mini exhibition cum competition at the cc... the residents will vote for their favourite painting and the artist will win a token... quite fun rite...hehe... i'm entering this piece for the competition... lazy to bring the rest... haha... i have entitled this piece "Yes, I Love You"... haha... fang gave me a good suggestion too! to entitle it "Joy"... hehe...

was packing my table the other time after the first sem... second sem is going to be rather hectic and demanding... hehe... while packing... i shifted my AT books to put them together.... used to be all the other books! and see what i have! tada! haha... i love my books! but not while trying to finish reading them to write my papers though...haha....

that's all from me for now.... hehe... the next blog i shall blog abt my dresses! haha! Yes i started to buy dresses and not my usual clothes! haha! a new resolution for 2009! wah! but come with a cost man! they are not cheap! esp the one bought yesterday! hehe... but i like them! haha... my friends, i'm sure u all are glad that i'm wearing dresses! haha... but they are not for dating! haha.. their are for my new AT beginning! hehe...

hee... a worthwhile trip to borders fair!

hee... tada! these are the books i bought for myself! wanted to just get AT related books... but haha... the deals are too good so i got others! hehe... they are all 2 bucks each! super happy and satisfied! borders fair is good! haha... worthwhile to wake up so early and brace the rain to get to expo! hee! on another trip to borders just on last sat... i saw a book i bought from the fair and guess what! it costs $32.00! wow! i wanted to use the gift cards i have... but was not able to... haha... so there will be more trips to borders! save them for a textbook i wanna get... it's 70+ bucks... hehe...

i see no difference! sigh...

ha... forced myself to go for class... if not i will never finish this painting! i'm losing patience.. and this week.. i just repainted some parts! which i dun see a huge difference! my T says it is nice but i must endure the process! man.. faint lah! i really want to finish it by end of 2008! if not.. i will also just take it that it is finished! haha...

hee... my sneakers!

hee... i discovered a small tear in the sole of my mickey mouse sneakers after i finally bought a new pair! guess it knows its time is up... hehe... but sneaker sneaker i really love you! you have accompanied me for the past 5 years!

thus i decided to take a pic of it! hui has the same pair! cos we bought it together using our birthday shopping vouchers! hehe... hui do u still remember this pair of sneakers ah?

when jass can't get to sleep... (part 2 :p)

a pic finally successfully taken after shooting for more than a hundred times.... 有志者事竟成! (haha... hopefully 没有错别字! my chinese teachers gonna kill me! haha! but u get it lah... hee!)

my laptop bag! hehe!

i can't wait to use it! hee... that will be the start of my clinical internship! hee!

p.s. something very silly happened today... very silly! though i believe it's a genuine mistake... sigh...

ah... mental block...

been wanting to draw... but dunno what to draw ah... must be the effect of nuaing... but i only nua for one day! faint... tmr better be a more productive day!

for me....

L asked me why i so guai stay in spore this holiday...

haha... ya lor... y so guai...

but indeed... a holiday without vacation is very different...

i miss going on holidays!!! hehe...

thank God for His provision!

i met up with the director of ** today... i thank God for His provision ya... if not for His mercy and faithfulness, i would not have gotten this course... would not have been able to secure a place at ** for my clinical internship...

was just talking to fang yesterday abt how God has plans for us in our lives... even the trials and challenges we have to go through... told her that recently i heard some things which kind of pissed me off... it's affecting me and knowing it... i'm turning away from it... i mean i tried to influence in a more positively but they just keep going on in such negative spirit! sigh... so i just walk away... dun want to listen liao... haha... i told fang that now i know why the Lord sent me to GO before taking the course... i have really learnt alot and grew alot through the years at GO! learnt to take initiative.... learnt that nothing is perfect... learnt to forgive and take... learnt that it's ok to compromise at times... learnt that rather than trying to justify who is right and who is wrong... sometimes you just got to do it and do more! even though u think it should have be already done in a more PROPER manner! i mean what is proper! rather than waiting for things to happen! make it happen! dur rite... rather that keep on say what should have been done! and in the end... still nothing done and ultimately still have to do it! so JUST DO IT lah... aiyo... faster rite...

but i know at times i struggle too... and end up complaining... but well... i am learning too! so may i always remember what i have just said today!

to fang too... 加油 and hang on my dear friend... i believe you will see the sunshine and rainbow after the rain! perhaps now it's just a flat tyre in the rain.... you will get through ya.... after that you will be strong strong!

my week...

wow... been a busy week ya of work ya... also attended chi and chin's wedding on sat... really happy for these 2 friends... the wedding is so sweet and full of blessings and surprises! i wish my 2 friends everlasting love!

on sat... i realised someone else has left church too... hmmm... unexpected... but as u grow in years... you also began to realise that moving on and changes are inevitable in life so.... hmmm...

next week gonna be a busy week too.. but i hope it would not be as busy as this week! haven't had time to rest and do any artwork... i wanna do some artwork ya.... haha... but i was lazy to go for oil painting... but in the end i spent quality time with my family... so it was good... haha...

gonna have a meeting with my prospective supervisor on Tuesday... hmmm... hopefully i do ok ya... looking back... i know God has watched over me throughout the first semester of my course... thank you dear friends for your prayers... pls cont to pray for me! as i need it!

a 9-9 day! haha!

hehe... i should be asleep by now... after working from 9-9! wow! 12 hours! hehe... in front of a com throughout! faint... hehe... but i am too full after eating supper with J, V & WS! hehe.... had a lot of food man... crow now i know why u say u tend to eat alot in office! it's to keep one awake! hehe... thank God teaching was not like that... haha...

well... we also talk abt school over supper today... our worries... anxieties... dissatisfactions... hehe... hmm... but in me everything is still ok ya... and i really think it will be ok as in we will do ok one! 船到桥头自然直! am i getting too complacent? well i think not lah... it's more like getting contented? hmm... but it's a thin line... i guess it also abt not being too complicated for me... yup....

hehe... ok... dun think too much at such a time! i'm having more and more white hair liao! jia lat ah! better go lie down and rest! though i am still very full! shouldn't have eaten so much! faint! and to ade, crow and fang! 'meeting u' was just a figure of speech! to tell my readers that i wanna meet them! but who else reads my blog other than u guys! so it is meeting u all! haha! so DROP your idea of grilling me! haha!

i wish there's more time for me this week... maybe i was trying to do too many things that i should drop some....

dotting.... dotting...

went for tuition today... C did not make much progress as usual... me feel like giving up soon.. i mean why drag myself to wake up but i cant seem to be able to help her? must i put in more effort? have i lost the passion for teaching? hmm...

then went for oil painting class... missed one whole month of lessons due to assignments... so not much progress... but i want to finish soon! man! it's taking forever! oh and the class has a lot of new faces! wow!

gonna sleep soon.... hehe.... tmr got work! glad to have some pocket money to spend! hehe... savings is truly depreciating... some more with all the woo haas caused by economy crisis! faint! i am a poor little rich girl... hehe... u know what i mean... hehe....

last words: jass is having some thoughts... and she is beginning to fall in love with jazz! hehe... that's her sign name too!

dedicated to my class...

i have learnt so much from each one of you... thank you for all your support and help...

my hols... the beginning... hehe... and the planning...

hee... it's the beginning of hols! went to work these two days... so haven't had time to really think abt what i gonna do during hols... but i think it is good to start! if not i will never start and hols will be over before i knew it! hehe.....

so let's see.....

1. Watch Madagascar! every time i see it... i miss Jon so much.... want to watch with him so much... but silly me... Jon would have watched it many times in heaven before it start showing here!

2. Apply for scholarship! must go thru the application!

3. Send email for clinical supervision and confirm a place! i can do it!

4. Christmas pressies!

5. My wish list! haha!

6. Pick up jogging again!

7. Read the untouched readings!

8. Finish my novel! (no time to read at all during sem)

9. Part time work! Yeah got income! hehe! oh tmr is last lesson with **! Yippie! hehe! wanna take this hols to help tuition kid too! she got 12 marks for her Math! faint! pls dun ask me 12 out of what ah! i wanna faint lah! but i know it will take time! i will persevere! Ms Chen on the way! haha....

10. Watch all the dramas i have missed!

11. Finish my oil painting! dun want to carry on with the same painting in 2009! faint!

12. Meet up with u! yes u! hehe....

Well... well... quite a lot... hehe... so i should not be bored or lazy and nua too much... but still let me nua a little...hehe....

yeah!!!!!

hehe... it's finally the hols! hehe... yippie! went to work today! thank God for the job! haha... if not i will be so nua...

haha... can finally let me poor brain rest a little now.... it's been a journey for so much learning, reflecting, reading and writing! wow! but it is quite fast! sem 1 is over le! hehe..... really thank all who have supported me and helped me in one way or another... i know there is still alot to do... currently looking at my clinical supervision now... man... but dun wanna push myself too hard lah... haha... not for this week... hehe... i think i deserve some rest too! hehe....

gonna be back to blog more! bur for now... i think this is sufficient! and back to the email for clinical supervision!

oh.... here's a short video of my book! hehe.....

hee....

hehe... was doing my children's book... pg 9 out of 20! gosh... when i came across this... hehe... i wanna read Peanuts comics! it has so much things abt life in it.....

oh yeah... and i found the moods thingy that you can post on your blog! yup so cool! haha... yes and now i am stressed cos i have a children's book, a research proposal, an exam and 2 presentations all happening in one week! faintz! can someone tell me i can make it? haha...

taking a break... a short one!

just took more than 2 hrs to edit and format my group assignment in APA style... phew... gonna continue with Yalom paper... but thought i take a break... to blog! haha... it's good to slow down even when u r supposed to be on bullet train now! hehe...

over these few months.... i have learnt a lot abt myself... sometimes it can be quite scary and threatening to do so... haha... but i know it is good... very good in fact... today my lecturer says that i am really quiet! and one of my classmates made that comment too! haha... bish! am i really quiet? hehe... hmm... that was also an issue i talked abt during therapy... haha... so i guess i am! hehe... but i din do that on purpose... just that i guess that is my nature... at first i struggled alot being quiet... i mean what if my classmates feel i dun care or i can't be bothered! hehe... but i am not! ya really... it was not intentional... it was natural... cl says that it would be good for me to learn to accept myself... i guess i did! and i think furthermore as i get comfortable with my classmates... i'm beginning to show more of my true self! which is becoming more quiet! haha... faint... but perhaps it is not too healthy! i must learn to talk too! i mean i gonna have to talk alot more next time in my profession! saying the right thing at the right time! so i better start now! hehe... i admire those who can do so naturally! hehe...

btw... with my mom... i think it is 雨过天晴了... but it is still a learning process...

ok... back to Yalom now!

it used to be this way right?

since when did i turned to be so complicated?

i wanna be as simple as i used to be again....

sigh... i have a new added wish....

found this book in the library! pretty cool! hehe... haven't started reading though....

sigh... is what you say really true? is that what you really want? then maybe i should do it... but then again... do i have the means to do just that? can i bear to do that?

a new added resolution in life... i will never be a parent!

hmmm... perhaps it is time...

hehe... this is especially to ade and crow....

it was so timely yesterday when all text me... sorry i did not reply....

could not stand certain things my mom did and i walked out of home yesterday... sigh... it is long story... but things are bad now... a lot of tension at home... well it is always like that when i retaliate in my own way... think my mom can't take it when the mildest person at home go against her... but i simply could not take it anymore... i was at my brim... going nuts...

well i am ok... but it did set me thinking... since the last time i retaliated... yesterday was the second... that perhaps it is really 相见容易相处难... that perhaps it is time to depend on yourself... solely.... just like what they do in the states...

time to blog!

hehe.... been so busy with assignments and readings... as well as tuition and teaching.... wow.... but now time to blog! yup blogging helps me to collect my thoughts... especially those that are lost in lala land....hehe....

tuition... 有时候你真的让我很生气啊！皇上不急太监急！sigh.... but i am ok after the tuition lah... i am not angry at my kid... but the things she does! e anyhow do and dun care attitude really scary lah... dun work hard some more how.... sigh... but i also noe there is just this much i can do.... hmm.... persevere though!

hehe.... abcd met up on fri! and ate the delicious sembawang KFC! hehe... but ade sae very oily... hehe... she is very healthy! hehe... aiyo and fang came late... so by the time she eat not so nice le.... but it's the company that counts too! hehe... came to my place after that... and my high C amazes them i think...haha... din know i have a resource library! haha... but it is good to share resources! happy reading my friends... haha... the image i show u all! dun tell anyone else! haha.... maybe shouldn't have shown u all! hmph! hehe... remember it is in the context of the dream! the words too... spontaneous but in the contect of e dream! not reality! haha.... he called again today... but i was sleeping so din answer... seriously wonder why he calls.... but i choose to assume it is just due to work! haha... i mean seriously... over le lah... so abcd! dun try! haha... this is my order to u all! hehe... i really had a good time with u all... in the midst of all our busy schedules, we took time to meet up! it's great!

oil painting.... look at the progress... i wonder if i can complete by end of this year! faint! it is so difficult lah! especially the faces!

abt school... it is really the assignments peak now! less than a month before the break! i need a part time job that pays well! haha.. anyone any lobang? hehe... hmmm.... better do them... gambatei! work hard! it's by grace i got the course! so cannot let Him and everyone and myself down! I CAN DO IT! hehe... self-soothing... haha... did the image in my journal today... i kind of like it...hehe...

a short post...

have not been blogging... have been busy with assignments.... and fell sick again too... sigh.... but now better le... still have tons of assignments though! hehe...

hmm... things have been ok.. except for some silly dreams i had... crow knows.. haha...

hehe... still teaching for **.... the kids are simply adorable! hehe... one fine day i went in for lesson... a little came to me and say... i like you! because u r pretty! hehe!.... haha... yes i was elated... hehe.... but there are still some things that ** does which made me wanna scream at them! so nope! not going to extend! haha off they go!

ha... tmr i gonna see the kids again! hehe....

oki a super short post! gonna return to my readings!

artworks i did...

"I Have a Dream"

On Adulthood...

a new path... a path I think less will want to travel...

calmness, comfort and freshness - a new dream...

a search of a new dream in life...

a dream that will be able to renew my passion...

an enjoyable and therapeutic time...

"Searching"
On Adolescence...

searching for my identity, understanding the world around... testing limits

discovering the potential in me...

while taking different paths and trying out new experiences....

contributed to who I am today...

a very productive day....

hee... i'm so glad that i did not end up nuaing today... haha... was so tempted to do so while snoozing on bed... hehe... tempted to take a break from oil painting class... haha... has been working on the piece for so long! think more than 2 mths le... still not done... haha... but i'm glad i went! hehe... did alot today... cos finally the 3 faces are out! hehe... not the details though... hee... but i am still happy! can't wait to finish! I THINK IT IS NICE! hehe... and indeed remind me of the children in tibet...

after oil painting... i went for a jog! hehe... not very long... abt 3.2km.... but good enough for me! lost the momentum when i started class... haha... so glad i went... felt very good... very healthy too! hehe... but too long never run.. very slow... alot of guys ran past me! irritating...haha... but still good... weather was good too... enjoyed the nice sunset and breeze!

hee... gonna start a new week again... lots of readings and assignments... just completed my artwork on adulthood... shall blog abt it soon... i enjoyed the process... a time of reflection ya....

finally a happier day after a week of gloomy days....

a flat tyre...

i guess sometimes it's only a flat tyre in the rain... haha... ya now the tyre is really flat!

hmm.... i wonder if i do think too much and ask too much of myself at times... it's so hard... ah... guess i really need to accept myself and let go of certain things... if not i gonna go mad....

hehe... something happier... now u hear this nice song! yup it will cont to spur me on!

i wanna do an artwork but keep procrastinating... sigh...

a song to spur me on...

I Have a Dream

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy

To help me through reality

And my destination makes it worth the while

Pushing through the darkness still another mile

I believe in angelsSomething good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

sick birdie...

ah... quite sick today... nearly no voice le... so never go for therapy... just in case i pass the virus to cl and baby mich...

hmmm... went to ** teaching today... saw r... feel quite funny after i cc the email to ** that i will not be taking more classes and my feedback with regards to their trainings and also the incident last fri... however... i know it is impt that i learnt to handle theses kinds of situations.... in the most professional manner... yup... that's it... should do that.... teaching was ok today... most of the students finished their work... next week is a new theme... yup... did not have time to take the pics today... and not all of them wrote their name... shall take them next week....

tuition was much better today... after i introduced the reward system to char... it was obvious she was working for it... hehe... quite glad... though i know at this point the motivation is extrinsic... but it has to start somewhere... as i empower her to do well... and intrinsic motivation can come in... it depends on success rate... i hope it continues to help her ya! if not faintz..... three quarter of the time getting her to focus... that makes improvement more difficult... there were times i really wanna give up... but i see her potential and i sincerely hope i can help...

feel better now after dinner and medication... and knowing that i survived today... thank God... gonna do my assignments... no time le... cos tmr gonna cut hair in the afternoon and go for tuition cos sun attending yk's wedding... so have to miss tuition...

haha... while blogging... the trainer whom i talked abt called me.... haha... i guess it's difficult to be mean in the phone... i mean i really mean it when i say it is OVER... well i accepted her apology though i still think it's excuse to use tiredness to explain one's lateness.... well at the end of the day i am still resigning... yup... it's not all abt the incident... it's the whole working experience... but i'm glad i chose not to keep quiet this time... which would be very normal for me to do so... it was not an easy step on my part to feedback abt those experiences... like yw says... they must be very bad cos my threshold is QUITE HIGH! haha... i guess to do things in a professional way... treat it is a CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK and ya... move on... i will....

oil painting...

oh this is latest progress of my oil painting pic... very slow... feel like giving up soon... haha.... more than 2 months le!

sick...

haha back from Desaru.... sick....

the resort at Desaru was rather horrible... with broken wallpapers... pillows that had a funny smell... dusty rooms... restaurants with many flies.... haha.... one of the worst resorts i have ever stayed! i came back with a dead bug in my sling bag! faintz! want to know which resort i went to? or where did i book the package? ask me.. haha... cos i think not too nice to put on blog...

but the company was good... glad crow came despite she was also sick... appreciate her company... thank del who was constantly trying to think of activities... haha... think she was bored... fang and i rather nua... fang hope you have had some break... hehe... oh and del is super good at playing monopoly! must learn from her! hehe.. we had fun... the beach is nice too... very clear view... not alot of people... but think cos i was not so well... i din stay out too much... haha... a more indoor person... that explains resort to me is impt as in the condition of the room! haha... also did not take any pictures this time... cos i was physically unwell... no mood to take.... haha...

just wrote an email to ** that i will not be taking anymore classes with them... crow says i sound very positive... not complainy at all... haha... hope i have made my point... think one of the reasons i fell sick was because i waited in the sun for at least 15 minutes for the SILLY trainer! there was no shelter nearby! glad i got the email out!

have a lot to do this week... must recover quickly!

IRRITATING!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

something super duper irritating happened today! SUPPER PISSED AND ANGRY!

i was supposed to attend a training at ** at 9.30am.... i reached the place around 9.20am... the place was still not open... thinking i am still early... i just waited patiently... 9.25am still no sign of the trainer... i sms to just confirm the time and place with her... however no reply... started to wonder if i have remember the place wrongly... cos they just shifted to the nice place... so i walk to the old place to see... when i reached there... the admin personnel told me that all trainings are at the new place... so i walked back... and the time is 9.30am... still no sign the trainer... the shutter of the new place was still down... i called her but phone was off...

a little frustrated then... but thought perhaps she will show up soon... another 15 mins passed and still not a single soul! ok really getting pissed.. called her again but still unable to get her... so i sms her that i am leaving since i don't see her and cant't get her... i cc the sms to the other head T just in case she turns around and say i did not turn up... (i have learnt that this can happen!)...

then suddenly and finally ring ring! guess who called? yes u r rite she finally called! and WHAT DID SHE SAY! she will be half and hour late! can u imagine how mad i was then! and she some more have the cheek to tell me why don't i go eat breakfast first! SHIT! STUPID! GO AND DIE! COWZ! WASTE MY TIME! of cos i want to leave immediately! but if i don so... i have to come back another day for the STUPID AND SILLY training! (let me explain to u later why it is a STUPID AND SILLY training!)... then the T i cc my sms to called me as well! and he also gave a STUPID AND BRAINLESS excuse! they are really a pair man! when i told him that she could have inform me earlier that she will be late... he said that "oh maybe she's in the train so can't sms you"... WHAT CRAP! WHAT A STUPID AND LAME EXCUSE! TOTALLY INVALID! ha and when i finally met her for the training! it is 10.30am! BLOODY ONE HOUR LATE! and not even a word of apology! as if nothing has happened! after still got the cheek to comment to someone else that she has been busy and did not get enough sleep! GROW UP LOR! STUPID! WASTE MY TIME! i was so PISSED! i left at 11am! rather go read in the library at least i spend my time in a MORE MEANINGFUL WAY! rather then sit there and just copy artworks! she also never teach what!

now the SILLY, BRAINLESS AND STUPID TRAINING! why do i say so? instead of briefing you on the strategies and techniques to be used in teaching the kids... you just sit there to copy pieces of artworks! WHAT CRAP! EVEN I CAN DRAW THE COPY THE NICEST PICTURE IN THE WORLD DOES NOT MEAN I KNOW HOW YOU WOULD LIKE THE KIDS TO BE TAUGHT! USE YOUR BRAIN! focus on the process too not just the result! then y not i just draw for all the kids too! THAT'S WHY I SAY IT IS BRAINLESS, STUPID, SILLY, INEFFECTIVE AND UNPRODUCTIVE!

Nevertheless i know it is not good for me to stop whatever i have started with the kids... so i will finish the lessons on hand and NOT HAVE ANYTHING to deal with them! WORKING WITH THEM MAKES ME TURN STUPID! ha a lesson learnt and not to be forgotten - never judge a book by its cover! it was a my misjudgement! their 表面功夫 is superb! COWZ! REALLY DISAPPOINTED, IRRITATED AND ANGRY!

on another note... read this book in the library.... The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself by Beverly Engel. really must learn to be assertive and say no! i just cant bring myself to do it.... and got myself into trouble.... and MANIPULATED BY BAD PEOPLE! as stated above! BAD PEOPLE!

now i have to think of how to phrase myself in writing my email to them... thought i just keep quiet... but i think i should do myself justice as well as HELP THEM! a lot of people GOT TORTURED UNDER THEM AND LEFT THEM EVENTUALLY! that's what i got to learn after the morning's SUPER DUPER IRRITATING thing happened!

i told my friend that i need to 'scold' them a few more times to appease the anger! i did an artwork too! if not IT'S BAD FOR HEALTH TO BE ANGERED BY SUCH IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNPROFESSIONAL PEOPLE! i mean you really send negative messages when u are late! some more ONE HOUR! WITHOUT INFORMING AND APOLOGY! STUPID!

for crow and fang...

my dear friends crow and fang... this is specially for both of you...

17 Sept 08

something for Jon...

this is an artwork i did in one of my group sessions last thurs.... it was for Jon....

however i did not plan for the image to look like that... it just somehow did... perhaps it is the work of sub-conscious.... it was while doing the sky that i really thought of Jon... i was conscious to make it look nice... cos i'm sure it does look nice in heaven! yup the image was self-soothing for me... it is still now... the ladder signifies my yearning to see Jon... wish that i have a ladder to climb to heaven to see him! the roundness in the image feels full to me... and happy... just like all the happy memories i have of Jon... though there were times he suffered... it was evident that God was there throughout...

that night i dreamt of Jon....

a thankful heart....

been a hectic day today... was rather down in the afternoon... just as my msn nick says... just a little overwhelmed... ya... thank God everything has ended today... and i'm sitting in front of my com with my Yalom book... trying to write my paper....

arghhh!!!! but i'm stuck! i dunno how to write... HELP! HELP! so i shall blog....

in the midst of my stress, anxiety and thousands of 'what ifs'... God helped me and i am thankful for that... was taking a bus to the venue where i'm supposed to conduct my first teaching... was waiting for 177 at bukit batok interchange... 10 mins passed and the still no sign of the bus... suddenly a bus uncle walk to me and ask me if i'm waiting for bus no. 177... i said ya and he told me the next bus is 40 mins later! faintz! then he directed me to take 173... as i walked to take 173... i was stunned and amazed... furthermore the bus 173 came immediately... just amazed that God would do just this for me... asking the uncle to come tell me.....i mean he did not have to tell me... but he did... wow... God did not only take away my stomachache due to anxiety... he provided me a bus... it means alot to me as u know... i'm prone to getting lost.... and i did not today... Lord thank you....

well as for the teaching.... the children are very cute! haha.... but i'm lazy to repeat the whole thing... just typed an email to the in-charge just now... so just gonna skip this part... but i had fun... just hope the following lessons i will bring joy to the children as they learn to paint! after the first lesson... i did not regret as much.... haha....

heard something abt one of my dear friends today... a little worrying... feeling guilty too.. that i have not been showing much care and concern cos i dunno how... due to what i have done and missed... things are not the same as before... i wish i can do more.....

was listening to songs of worship in my mp4 yesterday.... i realised i miss the Lord and His family... the songs he planned in my mp4 were those i love and ministered to me.... there and then... 突然之间... 我很想他... the joy and the rest... as compared to then... i know it is different...

in summary my day: i guess sometimes it's only a flat tyre in the rain...

big birdie, thank you for the song....

remembering little jon...

hee.... uh oh! the stress period is here! with lotsa deadlines coming up! hehe... but i thank God that i have done 2 already! hehe... (trying to be positive: see what is done rather than what is not done! heee)... and this 2 i completed them 3 days before my deadline! well done jass! hehe... a pat on the back! haha....

was it because then that i pia too much... now fallen sick! hehe... down with flu and fever yesterday... but told God i dun wanna get sick! haha... then i went ahead with DR JASS' idea to self-medicate! and it works! hehe... praise God! i am better already! hehe... will cont with my ingenious plan! hehe...

today is 7 Sept.... a year has passed since Jon no longer with us... i know he is happy now... K & L has shared with me that.... and i know it is true... though no doubt i miss him a lot... that explains the pic of mac fries i drew... jon's favourite food.... a little art therapy session for myself.... ya.... couldn't sleep on thurs nite... the nite before i went to visit jon the very next day... wanted to get up and do work... but i sense jon telling me to go sleep.... dun cry le.... he knows i needed rest... so that i can wake up the next morning to see him as well as go for my field placement.... tears still rolled down... but i had peace.... that all is well with him... then i gotta jia you too....

went to see him the next day.... cried the moment i went in.... read the messages his love ones wrote for him.... wrote something for him too... and pasted the food stickers i bought for him... was trying to find things abt madagascar 2 for him but couldn't... to tell him that it gonna be showing soon... but laughed at myself cos i know he probably have already watched it in heaven! hee.... that's one of jon's favourite movie....

Jon..... ms chen still remembers that we went to watch madagascar 1 together... it was one of the best times we spent together..... miss you deeply... wish i can watch madagascar 2 with you... you left me with many memories... the best gift the Lord has given me is you... my best student in my teaching life...it was a privilege teaching you... now i wish i can teach you again... hold your little hand... hear your gentle voice.... see your drawings....

ah... busy busy busy...

aiyoyo! have been so busy! never-ending readings.... assignment deadlines! no time no time! hehe... but i have been enjoying myself! hehe.... nice... but busy lah... haha....

no time to blog... perhaps due to the many journals i need to write too! so haha... lazy to blog... haha....

oil painting class started again... haha... slow progress.... but just keep painting, just keep painting, just keep painting... hehe...

journal entries...

Charcoal....

Sun or Moon . Sunrise or Sunset

hehe.. it's been some time!

gosh! wow... it's been a busy week! did not have the time to blog or enter more entries for my journal... haha... has been immersing myself in readings and readings and more readings! haha... but ok ya... it's been enjoyable most of the time.. except while reading F****! Really a verbal diarrhoea! haha... opps....

did not really have the time to reflect upon the lessons at sch... ya... just here and there.. hehe... but we did lots of sharing at sch! really like cell...hehe...well... had some negative emotions and discouragement after the lesson on mon... hmmm... we were exploring with charcoal to create artworks... it was not much of the technique... but i think i was caught up with trying too much and too conscious of what's happening around me... i felt stressed and terrible after the lesson... just like i told bee... while my friends say my art is good... i really felt incompetent and lusy after the lesson....was like 'gosh! what am i going to do'... to the extent i do not want to look at those artworks anymore!

being safe is indeed important.... i did not feel that safety... ya....

on a brighter side! today's session was better! hehe! i kind of like consciously making the effort to 'let go' and just enjoy the process... playing with myself... hehe.... the image created was happier.. full of energy... though i did not think much while creating.. just letting the flow flows... i felt very happy after doing it... yup... and i have learnt to give feedback too! as compared to the last session where i was quiet throughout.. i did it today! it's a liberation and breakthrough... yeah...

hee... went back to GO to relief teach yesterday! saw my dear girls... haha... they miss me... hehe... well i miss them too! and i saw nich hehe! he's so cute! hehe... like py says... he's literally flying after seeing me! hehe... when asked if he misses me...... he said yes! hehe... oh nich! so sweet! hehe...

that's all.. gonna do my journal before i lose the reflection thoughts... maybe i will visit the artworks again... haha... try....

hehe... exercising is good!

haha.... have been jogging twice a week for the past one month! finally an achievement for me! hehe.. eh... but not very long lah... abt 3.2 km each time only... but enough for me!

well it's true that exercising makes me happy! (other than doing art)... hehe... but have to take the first step! cos sometimes very tempted to nua... haha... thanks my bro for his company! hehe!

been taking life easy since i stopped teaching... while walking after the jog today... i suddenly realised that sometimes it is good to take life easy... move at a slower pace... it's a luxury... cos to be honest... i was still worried... worried abt my course... abt not having a job for the next 2 years and have to watch my expenses... not that i spend alot... the fact is i did not earn alot! haha.. well well... ya... so there were worries... but sometimes i will be successful in telling myself to not worry and trust God.... not that i have been walking closely with Him... but i somehow still feel His assurance....

have been getting more in touch with myself... taking note of life... (also because of the course)... this is a very different way of life as compared to my past 5 years... where life was simply busy and a mad rush most of the times... not that i regret teaching... in fact i love it! and i thank God for it... it's been a blessing.. a privilege...

ha... but i sense the busy days are coming! gosh! hehe...

haha.... this looks like a different entry from my past entries...

a journal entry...

Look out of the window... what do you see?

It's gonna be a new beginning for me...

Bright and sunny, full of life, full of zest, full or dreams, full of passion...

I hope to keep it this way...

Throughout the course, throughout my learning process...

Thoughts....

My MA class started yesterday. It was a pretty long day as lessons were from 10am-6.30pm. However, the process was a very enjoyable one.

Introduction to Theory and Practice of Art Therapy - An exciting core module filled with theories and approaches.

After doing the non-verbal visual communication activity, it reminded me of the children with autism back in GO. The children use Picture Exchange System (PECS) to communicate their needs. It's amazing how a picture can paint a thousand words and how you can communicate more effectively through the use of pictures. On the other hand, while it can be said as a universal language, one can also misinterpret the intention and meaning of the pictures and images. I experience is in the activity when I drew the first symbol and my partner drew hers in response, the images were in contrast. I realised that she probably did not share the same direction and i decided to 'follow' hers and drew symbols to add on to hers. Though we had different ideas in mind, we compromised and work together to form a beautiful image. I sensed a building of relationship. What we did was something that's not so literal, it was more of abstract. At the end of the activity I felt good.

The activity also led to questions in me: Why is it that one can hide his/her feelings through words easily, but when it comes to pictures and images, it seems somehow easier to express what's truly in us? Is it because it is harder to interpret feelings and emotions of one's true self through pictures and images as compared to words that makes it safer for true expression?

Media Studies - Where the fun begins!

Art-making is something I enjoy! Most of the time, it is therapeutic for me as well. I hope to be creative as well as to be able to reflect upon my artworks and processes involved more effectively. The challenges I will face includes the fact that I am a very structured person who likes to begin with an end in mind. This may stifle me as I move along; refusing to allow things to just happen. Nevertheless, I am reminded of the nature of art by what one artist said:

“There is no must in art because art is free” - Wassily Kandinsky

Introduction to Post-Graduate Research - I am in need of this!

A very important module as it will equip me with the skills I need to help me in my writing. How do I see it as a support module? One of the first reasons which made me want to pursue this course was to find out how art therapy can help children with special needs. This very first intent may be able to help me as I think of the topic for my thesis. Writing something which is of interest to me is as important as knowing all the skills involved. The course will provide me with the skills and my experiences now will help lead to my topic.

(This entry will be part of my journal...)

progress of dotting... dotting... dotting...

as i embark on this new journey...

tada! one of the farewell presents i got from GO! from esther! thanks! gonna use this for my journal... dunno what to write in it yet... let's see...gonna have to beef up my writing skills...oh it's gonna be where i insert all my images as well!
was reading the programme booklet last night... getting a bit stressed! panic button is officially on! HELP!!! haha... got exams for the first 3 semester! not forgetting the scary research proposal.... and the final paper.. and all the others! man... faint liao... why did i have the courage to go apply in the first place! haha... i gonna seek help! HELP! hehe...

a lot of things to be done... gonna make sure i am motivated! hehe... first gonna get a new transparent cover or my dear lappie! the old cover has turned yellowish le... can't do without it... and since i'm not gonna have money to buy a new mac... i gonna have to depend on my dear Asus for the next 2 yrs! it have served me well for the past 3 yrs! very good lappie! hehe... and beautiful still!

on my way to getting my weekly therapy session as well... haha... not that i have any problems... but it's for well-being! hehe.... and just in case i have prob next time! and it's course requirement! but ah... it's super duper ex! faint! HELP!

A New Beginning!

hee... went for orientation today! hehe... came back with alot of thots... dunno where to start from...

So tada! start with this pic i drew to intro myself... hehe... a very childlike drawing... but that's what i have done within like 3 mins...hehe... did not really think about it.. just wanted to introduce my background and some part of me which like to roam around the world... back to nature... haha.... Art 就是 Art... intro also must draw...hehe... well well... haha... more to come!

get to know a few ppl today... hehe... to me my cohort consists of all the happening ppl! except me! haha... they come for vast backgrounds... very colourful.... i'm impressed...hehe.... eh.... i must say again... i think i'm the youngest again! one of of the youngest! haha... just telling big birdie that God has been so funny... always put me in such situation since i know Him... big birdie said that i should have gotten used to it and perhaps God's trying to show me His sense of humor! haha... i am convinced! was feeling quite old seeing all the students (and they are really young lor! teenagers!) hehe... until i finally met my cohort and i feel more at home...haha...

there's a lot of things to settle... to learn... in the weeks and months to come! i'm excited.. yet at the same time fearful.... i know it will get busier as time passes by... but i do not want that to come prematurely.... do not want time to pass before i know.. do not want to miss the entire picture....

the Lord has been gracious and faithful.... i got in by His grace and providence too... i remember that the Lord showed me His word when i entered GO 5 years ago... it lasted me till now... "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." -Matthew 7: 12-14... before i ask the Lord for a new word for the next two years... that is something i want to remember too... that this path may not be easy... i may stumble and fall.... but as i have always said... sometimes it's just a flat tyre in the rain... and you have to endure the rain to see the rainbow!... i will hang on! gambatei Jass!

ah... so many things.... i must get started! i must get going! MA here i come!