little jon...

jia asked me to read a blog today... it belongs to the gf of one of the NS guys who died in june... it's very sad... reminded one abt life fragility... that sometimes anything can happened... before you could react to them in time.... wished it never happened... but it did... and i agree with her.. while it is vital.. it is cruel to ask someone who has lost someone so dear to 'move on'... easier said than done.... may she find the strength to do so soon...

reading the blog reminded me of jon... it's gonna be a year soon... i miss him... every time i look at his photos on my desk... i feel this pain in my heart that he's no longer with us... i know he is safe and happy in the hands of our heavenly father... but i can't help missing him... jon has been so special... the days i taught him has been the best years of my teaching life... he taught me so much... touched my heart so much... i will always want to remember his smile.. his gentleness... i wrote something for him (though i never read it to anyone)... it has been part of my healing process....

"It seems yesterday that I have held his hands as he took big and small step to overcome the challenges in life. Jon was a very brave boy. He was always willing to give it a try, even when things were difficult or challenging. He never let the difficulties he face stifle him or stop him from trying. Jon loved sports and outdoor events. I still remember once when we went West Coast Park for a class outing. There was this obstacle course that was about 10-15 metres off ground. I was worried for him and refused to let him attempt climbing it. But Jon was so persistent and insisted me to climb with him. In the end, we did not attempt just once but thrice! Jon was never afraid to push himself to achieve higher."

life has since been different... so is teaching....

jon... ms chen will always remember your love for me... and i love you too... i miss you....

a colouring jon did for me...

he has always liked tigger... jumping around... bringing joy and laughter to others...

a little bit of progress...

went for oil painting today.... still dotting away... hehe... but feel quite happy today.... cos i did quite abit without teacher's guide.. and i managed to get it right... hehe... oh and i did not fall asleep! hehe...

gambatei jass!

a session of art therapy for me....

something happened today which made me very angry.... i felt so much anger in me that i felt i was going to explode.... but i could not find a way to explode... i could not scream directly at the person involved... taking things to throw did not make any sense... talking about it did help a little but i still felt the anger.. too angry to write to ventilate it either... it was at night i could not scream my head off... but i was so angry... i needed to explode...

there and then... i took a piece of paper.. and a pen i was willing to spoil... and i just started scribbling.... i used more strength as i carried on.... the scribbling got messier as i carried on... i could see thick ugly lines staring back at me.... the lines represented my anger... so strong... so great... so dark... i continued for a few minutes till i used up all my energy and i finished it with a dot... as i drained my energy onto the piece paper... the anger subsided a little... after which... i tried redirecting my focus and not think about the issue anymore...

i decided not to put the scribbling here... but i will keep it for sometime... till i am not angry anymore... then i would tear it into pieces before discarding it...

when all else failed.... this worked....

shots...

today's a little more productive.. finished one of the flyer designs... hehe...

back to these photos.... they are taken in tibet... all deemed by artistic shots by me... hehe... out of all these shots.. the one that i spent most time and energy is the one that captures the lightening... hehe... stood at the balcony of the hotel room for more than half and hour... kept pressing the shuttle... thank God for the tripod stand... haha... if not my hands will go numb! hehe.. but when i finally got it.. that moment is indescribable! my ever first lightening shot!

indeed.... it's a joy to take nice shots at a nice place... a rare opportunity...

when jass can't get to sleep...

(haha... supposed to post this eentry last night... but was unsuccessful... so here it is finally...)

haha... can't seem to sleep early nowadays... rather bad... sleep late... wake up late... feel tired too... really not too healthy... hmm...
has not been too productive too.. have not been doing one of the freelance assignments... 没有灵感是个借口... it's also lazy too... haha.... not too good... must try to complete it asap...
better buck up and be more productive...
have been burying myself in books... reading books by Jodi Picoult... did not manage to do any art pieces other than oil painting...
well... this is something i decided to do since i can't get to sleep... hehe... look at the innocent images... haha... really used to like precious moments... so started copying the images.. later get sued... haha... and tara panda... those are little sketches of jass...
it's good to carry a sketch book around... like i said... they are not great works... but they indeed take me to a special place as i start drawing...
while looking at the sketches...i suddenly remembered....i once did two pieces of cross-stitches of precious moments pictures for two different people... but have not done one for myself... maybe i should... hehe...

Dot... Dot... Dot...

haha.... dot... dot... dot...

went for oil painting class today to continue with my dotting process... really dun find it easy.... dun really know how to do it... just keep trying... just keep dotting... haha.... dot until sleepy ah... perhaps it was because i woke up early for a jog... haha...

though i think it feels quite mindless... just dotting away... sometimes you will even find your mind wondering away.... yup... a good way to fall asleep...haha... therapeutic ah... haha... but well.. i did learn to be patient too... ya not to to dot too fast... not to exert too much strength... in order to get the right texture and effect.... have to be very patient...

aiyo... think gonna take very long before this thing gonna make some sense to me.... haha....

i guess sometimes it's just a flat tyre in the rain...

hmm... blogging a little to encourage myself... these few days have been rather terrible... filled with tears and a mixture of emotions...

i guess it's e transition effect... yup lots of uncertainties, fears and worries.... going into a new phase... feel rather alone... as if no one understand... and i guess too because 凡是起头都比较难... give me more time...

to encourage myself... i tried to remember my victories! haha.. all the first-time... like teaching for the first time... painting for the first time... how i pulled myself through.... to gain that courage... to survive once more....

that's my first oil painting....

last words: i think i can't do and do not like to do household chores... indeed a chore! bleah!

Pointillism

Pointillism is a style of painting in which small distinct points of primary colours create the impression of a wide selection of secondary and intermediate colours. - Wikipedia

haha... that is the style of painting i am trying out for my 5th oil painting... hehe... at this point... i am still very clueless... unable to master the technique... gonna give myself more time....

hee... the first time i tried that.... i felt very sleepy.... haha... the colourful dots cause my eyes to be blur ah.... like asking me to join them to enter another realm... haha... the second trial was better... not that sleepy... but very tiring for my legs... due to the size of the canvas.. i have to stand throughout the time i am painting...yup.... haha... train my leg muscle... haha... someone in the class commented that doing pointillism can be quite therapeutic... cos it can be quite mindless... just dot and dot... haha... well i do agree to a certain extent... cos on the other hand.. i go feel stressed when i did not know how to do it correctly! how to see the tones and all that... haha... perhaps cos i just started learning... still very clueless... but quite fun lah... though i find the painting very ugly now...haha... hope it gets better.... someone in the class commented that it's a very challenging piece...haha... 惨了... later i make a mess... faint.... my instructor still say ask me to do it and submit it for a competition.... faintz...

haha... so here it is! after the first 2 lessons.... haha.... indeed figures are difficult!

haha.... it's far from my photo!

haha... in the end.. we decide to crop the picture... think it is quite a nice crop.. like the composition... but looking at my painting now.... oh no.....haha....

a little bit abt my day...

hee... went to help den with the SDSC Track & Field Meet today... had to wake up rather early in the morning... it's been a long time... haha... guessed life has been too relaxing for the past 2 weeks... haha.. maybe also getting old... after i came back in the evening... i actually took a 2-hr nap! haha...

though have to wake up early... i had a good time.... din help out alot actually... most of the time cheering the students and chatting with them... saw my 2 boys... they did well today... managed to have a good talk with one of them... hopefully they will settle down better in school without all their fights.... haiz boys.... why can't they treat one another nicely and gently? aiyo....

today's the first time i went back to help out as a volunteer.... hmmm... not too bad.... haha... still 'ms chen' to the students.... haha.... i do miss the kids... though at times i feel like 'piaking' them for the things they have done for the past 2 weeks! kids... haha... they will settle down... will keep them in prayer...

got an email from my prog head regarding the new term... seems like there are only 2 days in which i need to go to school! hehe... so little! gonna faint! haha... i must find a part-time work!

The Sunrise Process...

that's sunrise at Mt Emei... a beautiful place...

i'm glad i have it put on my canvas... an experience i cherish and enjoy...

A Powerful Experience...

was looking at the crayons my ex-colleague gave me as a farewell present.... and my soft pastels.... and thinking about art therapy last night....

was very inspired by a book on Art Therapy yesterday... it's a resource book... read a few chapters of it while waiting for my friend... there were many case studies presented... and as i read i just got very excited of my course! think this the second time i got so excited ya... the first was when i got the letter of acceptance... yup....

came back thinking about AT... i wanted to write what is means to me... what do i know and stuff like that.... but i don't know what to write... so looking at the crayons and pastels... i decided to do something.... and let my heart leads me... what to put on the piece of black paper i chose... and allow me to 'do something from the inside' (an inspiring phrase i read in the book)... not something i see.... not something i remember... but just to start and go along according to how it feels like....

so.... tada!

hehe... i was trying to see if i could do something that emerge within me... something to express what is AT to me.... the lines, the colours and shades, the symbols.... well i continued till i am more or less comfortable with it.....

looking at the completed work... i was thinking what should i say about it? hmmm..... then suddenly i stopped... as this came to mind: perhaps this time it's the process and not the result.... so even if i have nothing much to say as i finished.... i believe the process has done something for me....

“There is no must in art because art is free” - Wassily Kandinsky

hmm... something i created... did it quite fast... abt 45 mins....

i was looking at the photograph and thinking how i should interpret the image... what it meant to me.... since i am doing it only now.... the interpretation would probably apply to now more than previously...

the frame acts as a window... like a window image... something you don't get to see in everyday life... it also creates a distance... something so near yet so far... yup... the rich colours reminded me of 2 things... the prayer flags i have seen the locals using as well as it feels like it is a contrast with the picture... as in it being very colourful vs the simplicity of what is in the foreground... it is as if the character is not affected by what is happening outside the frame; outside her world.... both are vastly different.... which do i feel being stronger? well... perhaps the latter...

sometimes it feels like that doesn't it... hmmm.... that you are in it... but not really with it... sometimes you know... sometimes you don't even know... hmmm...

the foreground is simple... just the main character and a sphere.... hmm.... i was thinking though if both are too strong... hmm.... but well i am learning... so leave it for now... but i do like the lines i have included... soften the image and provided a depth.... a distance....

oh as for the medium... used markers.... watercolour pencils and soft pastels... quite comfortable with what i have used... a combination of liquid able and soft medium...

haha.... well... may not be very well done now.... but i'm glad i have done something abt it... gambatei!

Sunrise . Above Land

Below is an abstract of something i wrote when i applied for my MA....

As I get more in touched with my creative process and the therapeutic application of art, I began to learn and discover that it is closely related to listening to my ‘inner voice’ and being me. It involves fighting my rationalization ability, as well as ignoring rules and conventions. Sometimes, it is about letting things happen and not try to prevent it to unexpected connections. I began to focus more on my images which carry meanings, especially my paintings, and realised they often do represented the phase of life I was going through, something I looked forward to, my emotions and feelings or an avenue which could escape from or resolve issues at that point, whichever applicable.

Take this painting ‘Sunrise ∙ Above Land’ for an instance; the image formed was what I had yearned for during that phase of my life. There is a reference photograph which I have taken some years back. On hind sight, I now realised that I have painted it then for a purpose. The creative process had a therapeutic and healing effect. I felt lifted up as it brought me back to nature and simplicity, amidst all life’s complexity. Though I was not physically at the place, I felt close to it. This distracted me and allowed me to rest which was an escape from daily routine. It was a moment of tranquility and through it, my emotional needs were met. I was empowered and strengthened to carry on with life and meet its challenges.

Learning to know the meaning of my images....

Embarking on a new journey....

Gonna start my 5th oil painting this sunday... these are the pictures i have chosen... the pictures are taken in Tibet and Shangarlia... all very nice pics to me..... and cos these are people i have met before... it's feel better to paint them rather painting someone i have never met in person...

Have not tried painting figures... perhaps it's time to try... haha... dunno how it will turn out... if i'm successful.... maybe can then paint a picture of my ex-colleague's son.... she has asked me to do a wall mural of her baby for her....i was like WOW! haha... i have done mural before... but not portraits.. and definitely not of babies ah...hehe.... but if i succeed this time.... perhaps can try....

excited to start... yet... a mixture of feelings.... haha... let's see....

情有独钟。。。

a picture i took in tibet.... hmmm... knows nothing about photography... but i do like this pic i have taken a lot... a picture paints a thousand words... well i felt i have managed to capture what i saw and felt at that very moment of time... in that colour tone.... in that perspective and composition....looking at this picture... it feels as time time has stopped moving....

gonna do an artwork on this in these few days... hope to complete... not oil painting... but perhaps play with soft pastels or water colour pencils.... goona go as it feels like....

The Moon Process....

A Place in the Moon...

Tada! this is my latest oil painting! i like it alot! hee... it's very different from what i envisioned in the very beginning... from my reference photo.... hehe....yup but that is why i like it! it's my very own!

now hanging in my room.... it has created a dimension to enter.... a place i call my own......

there's art for art's sake.... there's art for therapy's sake... well i feel i have achieved both just for myself.... it brought out a longing in me.... a place where i can now visually see....

which it's why it's a visual journey.....

Getting started...

小时候的一个梦想。。现在似乎学着实现它。。

i'm glad i'm doing it now... though it somehow feel that i went one big round to know that i'm back at the starting point... but well... never to late...

taking a walk through my visual journey...