some things to blog abt...

hehe... haven't been blogging... been busy temp-ing at *** and getting ready for Christmas:) these were the mini paintings i did for dear abc! hehe... hope each of them like it! haha... i know they were!

on another unrelated note... i have watched many movies over the past 2 weeks! faint... i think like 5 movies!

requested by ade.... hehe...

dunno what i am painting yet? hehe... wait and see!

with a heavy heart...

watched two tv programmes after dinner today... which made my heart very heavy... i guess both touches my soft spots and made the tears came rolling down... yet i was fighting the tears back... hmmm...

is there a fear to let myself feel? to be the inner me? think this is something that my therapist has been working with me as well...

i wonder where that fear and holding-back come from?

...

a dream of j...

i dreamt of J last nite... after so long ya... 2 yrs le... i wonder y...

in the dream... J was sick and i was visiting him... then he has actually forgotten many of his teachers due to his sickness... however when i went to his room and look at him... and L asked him to look at me... he called my name immediately... then he started his cheerful and mischievous ways of wanting to climb down the bed... of cos there were other developments in the dream... but i can't rem everything... i only remembered J called my name and i held his hands.... there was also a moment when i said "bye bye J" and i teared....

one of the things that was hardest to go through when i lost J was that i did not get to see him for the last time... which in the dream i did.... hmmm...

in the dream J also looked younger... very much like the first time i taught him... perhaps that is what is embedded deeply in my memory of him....

J.... ms chen misses you...

relaxing at an office...

hehe... after many weeks of hard work at *** (a temp job)... i am finally down with nothing to do... haha... not that i am skiving... but really nothing to do! hehe... so i am finding something to do! i even went shopping and bought nice lunch for aunty n! cos she always buys lunch for me! hehe...

then i stumbled upon this blog a-nice-blog.blogspot.com and saw this image... hehe... really made my heart smile... hehe... hope it made urs too!

it is done!

after painting for 10 lessons! shall talk abt it next time... perhaps it may go to the exhibition...

hehe... just a little bit more!

haha... the photo is taken with my LG Crystal! haha... 8 mega pixels! haha... so ade.. any difference?

i like the shadow here! hehe...

on a separate note... the weekend that passed has been happening... lost my LG Shine... then bought LG Crystal at zero cost! hehe... and my bro got LG Chocolate (new) free! cos i won it by answering a question... haha... hmmm....

finishing! yeah!

oil painting progress for today!

a closure to group class & e semester...

something not related to the image: my hand hurts (think due to the data entry job)...my shoulders hurt due to over use of computer... i have yet to complete some final remaining stuff for the semester... i'm dying to have long hours of sleep... i'm dying to watch tv programmes... i'm dying to go on holidays!

it's been a long long long time...

the last 2 weeks have been crazy... never-ending assignments... clinical internship... now it is finally all over... phew.... i wonder how i survived...

some artworks i have done in the midst of the craziness...

oil painting progress too:)

it's finally time for a short rest now!

irritating paper!

been struggling with e irritating 25-pages paper for 1 week! affected my sleep... my appetite and everything... it's so different from the rest i have written! supposed to select and artist... then look at his life... his experiences... his art... and write in the form of a case study with many different theories! i wanna faint! who say it is enjoyable??!!! it is NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND! i just want to get it over and done with!

if u tell me i can do it... and dun need to be too stressed... it sounds technically right ya... but i just can't help it ah! sob sob! i think i am depressed... haha... crow gonna say i self diagnosed again... haha....

faint and now still struggling! donald duck has my exact expression!

sigh... gonna go back to it... 快点写完阿! tmr is GE run!!!

a moment of victory!

thanks ade, crow and fang for their concerns:)

last nite was indeed a terrible night... so did this morning when the "wounds" still seemed pretty raw... emotions...

but but... something to celebrate now! i survived the ordeal! finished 2 papers! 1 final paper for supervision (which i really did not know i would be able to write it since i started thinking abt it a week ago! must thank my on-site supervisor who pointed out some points to me in my clinical work which helped me formulate new ideas...)... not going to worry abt the marks (haha... see how long i can not worry)... haha... but i think i did my best! or rather i know i did my best! then next was a reflective piece after leading the group in school! i survived!

haha... but i think not for long....

a 25-pages paper next! got to finish by end of next week! how am i going to do it!!!

ah... but i think i deserve a small small small break by having a good night's sleep! think starting from TOMORROW!!!

faint....

meltdown...

had a meltdown last night... guess i just could not take it anymore...

it was a hard sob...

but that made me realised that crying does releases some stress and frustrations... and bring about healing as well... just like the cries when i lost j and i....

managed to stay up till 4 am to finish one paper... now another to go... gonna find a quiet place to do... these are all the 代价 for wanting to do well...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very stressed ah!!!!

the more i read abt the subject of art therapy with ADHD... the more confused i become!!! faint! i think a part of my research is a FLOP!!! ah!!!!!! i am ok with writing it as a way i found ineffective... but i need the theory aspect to support me! and i dunno how!!! haven't found anything concrete too! and the deadline for final paper for clinical supervision is next wed!!! i'm so dead! AH!!!!!!

i'm feeling like how snoopy is feeling!!!! it takes so so so so so long to get a sentence off my tiny brain!!!! faint!!!! it is so hard!

and it does not help when it is not quiet at home!!!!!!

HELP! HELP!!!

painting-in-progress

clouds clouds and more clouds... still painting the clouds... the aunties are still there... sigh...

stupid mistake...

i was overwhelmed and made a stupid mistake today.... now i think the resistance is even greater... how am i going to salvage the situation?

so so so tired....

wonder why i am feeling so tired... still liking what i am doing... but just feeling very tired this week... hmmm... i need strength ah!

while making art today... i realised that i have been depending on myself too much... that it seems so hard to depend on Him anymore.... perhaps that's y....

what a noisy class today! arghhh!!!!

nonetheless... here is today's product... ade says does not look like clouds... haha....

fond memories!

first attempt!

see my 蓝蓝的天，白白的云？hee...

ambivalence...

artwork done in group class...

paint and run...

run for today: 8km in 1h 06 mins :) nearly died ah... 20 rounds around the park... saw so ppl came and go... while i just kept on running! nearly gave up at the 19th round... glad i pushed myself...

went to the fitness corner to do sit-ups and cool down exercises... i lied down on my back and right above me in the sky was today's moon... it was not full moon but beautiful... looking at it... thinking of my problems... the somehow became smaller... and the thought of indeed 世界真的很大 came to me...

tonight's moon... (but image is from web... haha)

oil painting class was good today... tried to get the colours myself :) failed the first time then got it the second time... not too bad...

painting-in-progress

the dreams last night were terrible... i woke up screaming... feeling angry... even when i have woken up... i refused to get off my bed... i was forcing myself to sleep more.... glad i went for painting and run... it did make me feel better... sometimes running is like running away all the problems you have... and after the run... u gain some strength to help u get by... while painting soothes my heart... and helps my mind to focus... to slow down...

time to blog!

wow... the week just passed like that...

although it was term break from school... it did not seem that i was free... perhaps cos there was still papers to write and clinical work done...

next week will have 2 days off from clinical work... shall try to finish group therapy paper! and catch up with readings!

hmm... supposed to think of some stuff as part of my personal therapy too...

hmm... that's all for now... thought process seems fragmented... perhaps will be better after painting and running tmr:)

closure, acceptance and letting go...

went back to school today... to trace the route i took while going home after class on wed...

but i did not find it...

it has been a transitional object for me... something that makes me feel jon is still here... still near... something that reminds me of jon... his cuteness... his joy... his innocence... his tigger...

but now it's really gone le...

no doubt... i know it is a closure for me to this whole episode... my dear friends have been consoling me... i have cried... have also processed it with cl today during therapy... cl asked if i was being too hard on myself over the loss... i told her i dun think it is a conscious thought... just that i have really lost it... and it is a regret in my life... with her processing... i accepted that there will definitely be regrets in life... but what is impt is how i handle these regrets...

like many of the words of comfort i have heard... i know maybe it is time to let go... maybe jon is telling me that he is ok and it's time to let him go... maybe God is expediting my process of letting go...

and even without the accessory... i will definitely still rem jon...

but i guess it is also e mind vs e heart... my mind is telling me all the above... but my heart is telling me otherwise and that i am still not ready...

looking at the image i made in class on wed... i know i am slowly letting go... but now it seems and it feels like i am 'forced' to let go... which makes it hard... it's like the second loss on top of the fresh wound left by the first loss...

cl also explored with me if there would be anything to help me cope better... and one i thot was to look for it today... though the hope seemed slim... it is abt coming face to face with it and having a closure... while another was perhaps to create something else to 'replace' the loss... but i also feel that it takes a lot of inertia too... to create a new thing...

for now... i will leave it as it is... just removed the remained string from my hp... what i need now is perhaps time... now that at least if felt that i have tried my best and closed the episode...

jon... ms chen misses you so much... i really did not think that i will lose your photo... and caused it to be in somewhere perhaps cold... perhaps dark... perhaps dirty... i am truly sorry dear...

e image i made in group class this week...

in despair...

sob sob... i lost something precious... why did i lose it?!

jon i'm sorry...

new oil painting!

hehe... here is the new painting! also went for a run after that...think i got faster... i actually walked a little... cos ankle hurts... but timing is getting faster! whee!
hee... my timing for my first official 10km run is... hehe... 1:15:22!! hehe.... think i did ok! will try to be faster the next time round!

gonna rest now... though there was no clinical work done this week... i felt i accomplished much! finished 1 presentation, 1 process notes, 1 diagnostic & case formulation paper! still had class... and had therapy too!

gonna start clinical work tmr again... gonna be a busy week!

side note... i wanna watch tv!

an earlier blog entry today!

doing my diagnostic and case formulation paper in school... stuck... dunno how to cont! haha... so shall blogged... told cl i wanna journal down abt our session today... it was indeed a great session with good insights about myself discovered! hehe... when i said i hope to help my clients draw those insights in the future... she said that if i can do it myself... i am on the way! whee!!

cl talked about the three parts of our being when i brought up some matters; the paternal, the adult and the child... the paternal part being the desire to nature, to take care and to help others... the adult being the analyst, the logical thinker that often helps guide of actions... the child being the part of us that is more spontaneous, child-like and free... wow... all these are new to me! at least a fresh perspective of myself! hehe... cl asked abt my child part... hmmm... got me thinking a lot... we explored and processed... as i talked... and i discovered that yeah i do not want to lose that part... i like that part abt myself... though it may be diminishing now due to certain things happening around me, my responsibilities and growing up... there is still a need to 'feed' this part of me! not to lose it yeah:)

other than this... there were other insights too.. it's amazing how one leads to the other... in such a safe manner... this is what i call therapeutic alliance! my therapist is good! hehe... and also catharsis too yeah!

i must remember these insights ya! part of my journey and growth:) must learn to tap on the biblical truth that is closely link these parts about myself... i guess at times i become so fixated at certain things that i have forgotten that i need not rely on my strength all the time! it is difficult to always remember... but i am on my way!

also to rem... sometimes my sense of responsibility becomes a hurdle in situations... must learn to let go!

appreciate myself so recognizing this part too.. i mean it is not easy all the time to recognize one's weakness when that is actually a strength! just as sometimes though it is crystal clear... it still takes one's willingness to see, accept, acknowledge and believe....

last but not least... something i learnt from cl today.... retreat to advance... hee... sounds to me like 休息是为了走更长远的路...

indeed a good session...

an artwork in group class...

something to share...

bought this cd today.... same cd but mine had a different cover... hmm... dunno y... this is nicer... but it is the same production... the songs are really nice... wanna load them to my ipod too...

one of the songs that speaks to my heart... fang for u too....

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though its breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, whats the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

is it my own oc'b'?

家家有本难念的经...

super frustrated with my mom...

i hate noise!

completed oil painting! finally!

on another note... the 老师 dun like my next oil painting pic... hmm... haha...

a moment to share...

did the following during group class... we were given a blank receipt roll to do anything we want... i made these for i and j... for the past weeks i have drawn balloons... must have bewildered my classmates without sharing... this week i shared... when f asked me abt the balloons... it was really hard... i cried... but i did... and my classmates were there to listen... the only thing is... no one continued sharing after i shared! ha...stars... but they look like balloons to me too... the balloons are not totally flying yet... just that i have not let go completely... have found a source of comfort after i talked to cl... something j and i have impacted my life that would never be forgotten or taken away from me...

sometimes letting go does not mean forgetting... it just mean that there is more acceptance...

saw the following video on ade's blog... reminded me of my experience in class... the power of shared experiences to given one the courage to face his or her own challenges in life....

what a night...

went for oriental night... glad to be invited:) due to the theme... i had fun dressing up... haha... thanks to v for her nice cheongsam... thanks to yy for all her nice accessories! n my mom for doing my hair! hehe... it was fun :) ask me how i look? hehe... i think i look great! haha!

felt a little overwhelmed initially... cos technically i have left the sch... yup... so a little out of place... think the best time was when i took photos with jie... hehe... while the rest are singing and while we were waiting for e last train! hehe... our photos are so funny! esp those of jie! hehe... jie won the best outfit! her cheongsam tells a story! hee... cool story!

tonight was also a night full of emotions...

received pressies from my ex-students... really sweet of them... also received a mail containing a pressie for me from i's mom... when someone sang the song 月亮代表我的心... it reminded me so much of i... i teared... luckily he translated and sang it in english... if not it would be harder... if i is still around... he will go around with his bag of pressies for all the teachers who once taught him... we know that the pressies were all prepared by his mom... but it is the way that i gave each of us that made it so special....

i wish all the special teachers i know a 'Happy Teachers' Day!'.... teachers have always played important roles in my life... and when i became one... i knew it was a privilege the Lord has given... my first love... now that i'm working towards my second love... i see the treasures being a teacher has left me with....

to j and i.... and all my students.... thank you for being my students... it's indeed a privilege the Lord has given...

道理。。。

我深信如果一个人对自己不好。。。 就一定要马上离开并逃得远远的。。。 没有什么的不忍心。。。 或不知道。。。 也没有什么的希望下一次他会对自己好一点。。。 即使要希望。。。 也要先离开。。。

幸福终究掌握在自己的手里。。。

没有人有权利让自己不开心。。。 除非那是自己应许的。。。

new oil painting!

hee... looking forward to my new painting! told ade i wanna paint in monochrome... but think i gonna change my mind! hehe.... like this pic... like the house... it feels heavenly... back to basics....

wow... clouds lei... but gonna paint till crazy! hehe...

i thot this looks arty! hee... took it in China... in fact all the pics are taken in China...

group session today...

the theme my classmate gave was 'a gift for yourself'.... e gift box is out of shape.... haha... balloons... been drawing a lot lately...

though i planned to process in class... i couldn't do it... nevertheless i know the painting process has helped me...

a good sunday :)

good news! hehe... 老师 says more or less ok liao... next week can finish! yeah can start new one liao! hehe... can u see e difference? haha... it's been so long... ade has been listening to all my complains today... hehe...

went for a run in the evening! thank God the rain stopped as i started running! hehe... 1 hr... think close to 7-8 km ba... based on timing... dunno exact distance cos ran outside... hehe... yellow ribbon run i am coming! not much time to run nowadays after sch started... seems like it is just once a week... hope i dun die at yellow ribbon run... hehe.... crow must wait for me! hehe...

on another note... listen to one of i and j's favourite songs today... it is still hard... but slowly...

dotting away again...

u don't see the difference rite? haha...

went back to oil painting! now with ade! hehe... gonna have fang too! we are having fun!

my poor hand...

thank God for ym who nursed my wound for me.. haha... call myself a first aider some more... just pasted a small plaster over it initially... ym wanted to faint... haha... then i say ya lah.. cos my cert expired liao... haha... now crow will never ask me to be first aider... haha...

i fell...

i went jogging today... was battling whether to go or not to go... in the end i did...

but barely jogged 3km and i fell! sigh... was not a bad fall... suffered some superficial wounds on the palm... had water... so could wash... but no tissue and plaster... so used my shirt to stop the blood...hehe...

well then ended up walking most of the journey back... except jogged another 1km when i felt the walking would take too long... at that time i felt so tired... so vulnerable... emotionally, physically and spiritually all down.... what an experience...

really dun like to fall down...

05 Aug 09 Group Theory Class...

me: this is my artwork but i'm not ready to share...

e: can we see the artwork again?

me: opppss... sorry... (lifts up my artwork)

e: (trying to see the little figure in the artwork)

me: yup that't me...

e: how does it feels letting go of the balloon?
me: i'm not ready to share...

ws: is there a significance with i and j?

me: i'm not ready to share... (gonna burst into tears soon)

the class finally moved on to someone... it's the first time i really felt not ready to share abt my artwork... cos i know i will soon burst into tears saying anything abt it... and it was the first day of class! faintz rite... ya... drawing it was already very difficult... nevertheless... i felt stronger and better after drawing it... fang asked me why... told her i dunno but i guess that's the process... perhaps i will feel more ready to share in this week's class...

today's record!

ran at the park today.... so could check exact distance....

i ran 8km in 1 hr 03 mins! hehe... 10km here i come! building up!

to fang...

the giraffe did not die! but need a friend to lend him a hand! hee!

e 5 stages of grief...

little thaddeus...

回家的路上。。。我望着月亮。。。想起了 I。。。 从此以后《月亮代表我的心》这首歌就再也不一样了。。。

那时刻。。。 我也想起了 little thaddeus。。。我希望他能健健康康的成长。。。

to I and J...

my two dearest...

did i question God why did He take my 2 dearest away and allow me to go through the pain twice? i think i did... which of cos i did not get an answer... and i guess after a while i have forgotten to press for the answer... i needed more time in letting go... in grieving... in coming to terms with it...

nevertheless... i thank God for bringing both of them into my life... even if i know that i would have known that i would lose them this soon...i would still choose to be their ms chen...

to I: ms chen have not come to terms with you leaving us... i am still telling God i wish you are here... ever happy... and hoping that you are strong and healthy... give me some more time... in fact it gonna be a long long time... how's heaven? must be beautiful yeah? have you found J yet... just like what ms lee said to me today... both of u will be sharing your fav disney characters! if you have not found J... must find him soon! and tell him that ms chen miss him a lot a lot! did you hear the song we sang for you today? hope you like it ya... ms chen was just watching all e videos ms neo and ms lee took for you... i missed you so much when watching them... but i can't stop myself from watching... you are really God's gift to me you know... no matter how cheeky you were... no matter how many times we struggled with each other... ms chen still loves you very very very much! and this is something that will never ever change... i gonna have to say bye to you tmr... i dunno how am i going to cope... ms chen will try... try to say bye to you dear... you must bless daddy, mommy and jie jie k... help them to remember you are in good hands now... and that they can let you go find God too.... i see you tmr... then i will have to say goodbye to u....

to J: my dearest.... how are you? it's been more than a year since you left us... ms chen still misses you very much... esp every time when i look at your photo on my table... now i have yours and I.... have you found I yet? since you went to heaven earlier... you must help to look after I k? i have told I to go look for you... you must look for him too! ms chen cried a lot today... missed you very very very much and hope i can still hold your hand like before too... i met mommy... she came to see I... she is saddened too... and she is reminded of you too... you must also continue to bless daddy, mommy, di di and mei mei(s) k.... watch over them and keep them safe and sound... do not let them fall sick k.... ms chen gonna visit you soon... will buy a new tigger when i go visit you... i miss you....

the pain in my heart is indescribable... even though i have reminded myself not to cry too much... not to add to the grief of the family members... i have failed terribly each time... losing my 2 dearest is too much... it is so so so so so painful... thank you jie, py, m, yw, cy, ym for all your love and support during these difficult times... it would have been a million times harder without you all going thru this with me...

as my 2 dearest have stood next to each other on stage singing 'i cast all my cares upon You' a couple of years ago... they now sit at the left and right hand side of the Lord... singing the same song too...

I and J... i wish both of you are still around... strong & healthy...

Welcome to the Family

Welcome to the family
We're glad that you have come
To share you life with us
As we grow in love
And may we always be to you
What God would have us be
A family always there
To be strong
and to lean on

May we learn to love each other
More with each new day
May words of love be on our lips
In everything we say
May the Spirit melt our hearts
That we might be a true family
And teach us how to pray

I Cast All My Cares Upon You

I cast all my cares upon you

I lay all of my burdens down at your feet

At any time I don't know what to do

I will cast all my cares upon you

These were the songs both my 2 dearest liked when they were around...Lord it is so hard...

an arty day!

hee... had a very arty day yesterday with J and S...

first we started and competed a wall mural at **... hehe... a million to both my friends for blessing the students! we had a lot of fun painting too!

tada!

initially i dun really like the theme and was worried... but i think when we paint with our hearts... it turned out fine! hehe...

then we went to omni-theatre to watch documentary on Van Gogh! we had the entire theatre to ourselves! hehe... cool! and it was the first time s is there! hehe... we took a lot of photos (amusing ourselves! haha)... hee... the doc is quite nice! never look at Van Gogh's paintings from such perspective... we felt that some parts were rather intense! with that... we ended our arty and fun day!

oh... crow showed me this run that is coming up! i wanna go! hope i dun collapse half way! haven't run this week!

a busy week...

haven't been blogging... did relief teaching for the entire week... and it's a super busy weekend this weekend... faintz... think i have been nuaing too much... hehe...

going to paint a wall mural next week... it is bringing back a lot of memories... still remember the biggest wall mural i painted back in 2007... wow...

a stitched pic of the mural.. made up of 3 sides of wall in a room...

:)

最美丽的夕阳。。。

人最大的敌人是自己。。。 今天我又种输给了自己的感觉。。。

today's run was 6.8km at 50 minutes! wanna faint liao... like slower liao... i din want to do more rounds... wanted to maintain the distance for this week.. to try to be faster... but instead i got so much slower... aiyo...

其实是没什么大不了的。。and i should just enjoy the entire process... 可是人就是如此。。。 永远想做得更好。。。 突破自己的极限。。。 因为这好胜的心而被冲昏了头。。。我就是如此。。。 但还好。。。 正当我感到失意的时候。。。 我看到了最美丽的夕阳。。。 让我有所领悟。。。

indeed... it was one of the most beautiful sunset i have ever seen! and right in front of my eyes at sembawang! cool ya!

a cup can be half full or half empty... the Lord reminded me to look at the half full :)

when i started running at the park... i started with just 2 rounds after running from my place to the park... and now... i can run 15 runs! what an accomplishment ya! hehe...

so at the end of the day... i learnt... "it is ok! dun give up! just keep running and i will get there!" hee...

something good... a new record :)

hee... thank you yw and ry for reading my blog and asking me how am i...

shall not blog abt anything not too good today...

hee.... this week is the second week i ran 3 times a week! hehe... today's record is 6.6km in 43 mins... not too fast ya... but nonetheless... it is a new record in distance! hee... GE 10km here i come! hehe... thanks crow for asking me to try! hehe...

wore this today... quite good...did not feel any strain on my knee...hehe....

and not forgetting my ipod nano in my arm wallet! hehe... got it cheaper in KL! yeah!

i really do not understand and cannot rationalize...

i think i am losing it... not just in my heart but in my head... perhaps not trying would be better... now that i have tried... i felt even worse....

argggggghhh... running away and being indifferent is definitely easier... y did i let it eat into me... y should i bother... maybe there is nothing i can do...

ya...

sigh....

实在太过分了！ 怎么可以这样！

yeah! hee...

haha... what am i doing online when i am flying off for a short holiday tmr??!!

hehe... though 辛苦... it is worth it! hehe... u know y? hehe...

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卖个关子...

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my lect just told me today that one of the AT journals/ newsletters is considering to publish one of our articles under their research section or something like that... and she is asking me to submit my case study paper done last term! hehe! wow!

like i told yw... though i am really exicted and encouraged... i am super fearful... cos what if not up to mark mah! hehe... but yw says... they will only publish up-to-mark one! hehe... that is true hor! hehe... clever yw! haha... she must be happy to hear this! hehe...

so i spent more 2 hours editing the first round... if really selected... many rounds to come! hehe.. just emailed my lecturer... hope it is ok... hope i dun make her vomit blood...haha...

i did what i can for now... so late liao... and been more month plus since i handed in my last paper and used my poor brain this intensively! hehe... but it was good exercise! if not wld become so rusty after 3 mths of hols! hehe...

oki... haha... my brain deserved a few days' break then back to work next week to embark on the reviewing of 30 artworks for a australian research! cool to learn from this team of wonderful people and looking at artworks done and clocking in hours as part of clinical internship! hehe!

exciting weeks to come! way to go!

really high now after all the good news... thank the Lord for them...

really blessed...

to end... yes hopefully they will publish my work! hehe... imagine ya! bu well... even if they dun... this encouragement to even be able to try is good enough for me for now! definitely spurring me on!

it's really good!

was feeling pissed by my mom when i came home....

so went for a jog... did my 4.8 km of jogging again! the first was done yesterday! nearly gave up halfway but pressed on... it's really mind over body...

during the time spent at the park after the jog... the Lord reminded of His goodness and that calmed me a little... it's really how i will choose to look at things that matters... though i very much still dun like it...

the day ended on a good note! cos of e scholarship! what more can i ask for! the amt of scholarship is more than what i expected while the period of bond is shorter! haha! God is good!

hehe... when jass is free...

hee crow! a continuation of Cameron! hehe!

hee so cute.... esp e part when donald duck lost his shirt! hee!

hmmm....

hehe into the 6th week of my holiday! haha! so fast... esp when i am seriously not doing much

time to buck up!

hehe... the most i have done for this week is having jogged twice! mon n wed! hehe... jogging is good! feels healthier...haha... jogged abt 3.6km on mon + 40 sit-ups + other exercises... hehe... and abt 4km on wed + 40 sit-ups + other exercises... haha the distance is really not far... but i am progressing! hehe... one day i will reach my 10km! hehe... jia you jass! must cont the spirit and discipline!

snoopy is healthy too! hehe!

been thinking abt something else too... dun really know how to handle...

on a side note... perhaps it's time to revisit the checklist i had at the beginning of hols! hehe!

blessed jass...

hmm went for supervisors' nite at school followed by a class gathering at Modesto's... guess jass is still not good at meeting new ppl... i dun like these kinds of events... felt intimidated... something to work on....

but.... hehe... i discovered something!

hehe... not only did i got e scholarship... i found out that another 2 ppl in the new cohort also applied for the scholarship! and i still got it! think they only give out one each time... truly blessed... thank the Lord for His providence! it's amazing! remembering that it was a panel of 8 interviewers! hehe...

just like what jl says and i have realised myself previously... the timing is so divine and God really has plans for both of us! if i had applied a year earlier... we would have become competitors... and i know she would then have gotten me and i would have not... hehe...

dear God... once again.. thank You...

snoopy sooooo funny lah!

haha... never knew snoopy can be so irritating...haha...

PEANUTS!

hehe... came across this... remembered i posted a pic of this before too...

jass is feeling anxious n dunno-what-to-do...

hmmm... am i feeling anxious? irritated? bored? tired? worried? or what? perhaps it is a bag of mixed feelings... that made me suddenly googled for "holiday blues" and i found this! hehe...

Charlie Brown felt so depressed.

"I just don’t understand Christmas.

Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down."

3 weeks of holidays have passed... holidays feel different when you are e only one having holidays... haha... think alot of people will want to bish me for this... hehe... but it is true... at least that's how i felt now... haha...

perhaps it's time to see what i have done so far... to examine if i have spent my time fruitfully! let's see... i have...

• gone for a short trip with crow and fang...
• started reading Thanks for the Memories by Cecelia Ahern...
• worked on my cross-stitch and finishing it...
• finished more than 40 episodes of a recorded korean drama (and it is still showing! wow!)...
• gone for scholarship interview (results will be out early next week! adding to the anxiety!)
• sent email to prospective clinical internship placement for next term (but they have not replied and i have not followed up! gonna have to do it this coming week!)
• gone for 2 meetings with my lect on this exciting research...
• did 3 days of relief teaching...

hmmm.... these are the bigger items... actually there are still many things to do! even overdue stuff... perhaps i nuaed too much too... sigh...

hee... another one...

hehe... it's really quite fun to play... ok lah... no more liao... hehe... for my two friends...

好多的蓝天白云啊！

haha! a total of 75 snapshots taken! most taken on the bus! hehe... there are still some more in my camera! Love e blue blue sky with white white clouds!

hehe! back from Cameron Highlands!

haha... stumbled upon this website http://www.magmypic.com/ and did this for my two dear friends! that was us on our way to Cameron! cool right! both e pic and e website! hehe...

but but but.... we are missing our dear ade! we must have a complete abcd!

from bcd to a: dear ade... you must be included for our next trip! it's a command! we MISS you! we need a complete abcd! quick say our wish is your command! hee... we really WANT YOU! and we know it will be much possible after u say bye to ****! so must k!

i have not had any photos of my friends as well as myself due to privacy... this is really a 例外... just for my dear friends....